You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
