dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
