Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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