:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
