my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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