You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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