when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
