There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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