And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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