We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
