I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
