in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3