you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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