I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
