If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
