my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize