that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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