Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
