you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
