you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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