being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
