it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
