I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
