Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Every concussion has its silver lining
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
