Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize