look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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