If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
