i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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