It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
