Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
