Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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