Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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