I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
