It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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