she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
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just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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