If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
