I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
