kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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