i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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