Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
