I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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