i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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