It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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