I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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