I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
