I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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