Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
