We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
