Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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