hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
