Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
