Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
