Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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