Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
