Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
