Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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