Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
