walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
