Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
