Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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