he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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