So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
