My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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