No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize