So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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