She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
ttyl tear gas
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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