Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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