I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
