Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
