I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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