she was so not down for the gang bang
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
