Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
