dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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