well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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