Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
