Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
