I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
