Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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