My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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