sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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