This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
