like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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