I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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