Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
