he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
